Waiting and Aching at Christmas

Several times this past weekend, I found my three and a half-year-old granddaughter, Palmer, lying on the floor under the Christmas tree looking at the lights and ornaments and beautifully wrapped gifts. "Papa", she started while pointing to a present, "can I open this one?" It took every ounce of discipline in me to tell her that she would have to wait until Christmas morning. "Okay", she said in a somewhat dejected voice.

Palmer and I are a lot alike. Neither of us like to wait.

On the church calendar, the weeks leading up to Christmas are called Advent. Advent is a season of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Most of us tend to fly through the waiting and get straight to the celebrating.

Celebrating implies words like: merry, bright, joy, cheer, wonderful.
Waiting implies words like: aching, longing, grieving, groaning, hurting.

But for some people this Christmas, the waiting words will overshadow the celebrating ones. That's what Christmas of 1979 was like for me having experienced the death of my mom in late November that year. That Christmas was described with the words from the song Emmanuel by Geoff Moore:

"No decorations;
No tree with tinsel;
No lights this year at home.
The rooms are silent.
No carols playing.
It's the first time, he is all alone."

I think of friends and acquaintance who will face their first Christmas this year without a loved one around the tree. "Merry and bright with Christmas cheer" may seem like a far away land while the "aching and groaning" tends to swaddle them.

Earlier this week, I read a blog by Chuck DeGroat entitled When Advent Groaning Doesn't Let Up in Time for Christmas. Chuck captures what I've been pondering this Advent season with powerful words far better than I can. Sometimes the waiting and the aching and longing and the groaning of this broken world feels greater than the amazing Joy that has come to the world. And when it does, the Good Word of Christmas is: Emmanuel. Emmanuel means God is with us. In our celebrating. In our waiting. In our aching. In our groaning.

Always.

With us.

As Chuck says, Jesus waits and longs with you. May his words encourage those of you who are waiting and aching this Christmas season.

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When Advent Groaning Doesn’t Let Up In Time for Christmas
by Chuck DeGroat (www.chuckdegroat.net)

Jesus waits and longs with you. 

I shared this thought recently with a woman whose Advent waiting has lasted a few years. The trauma of abuse, the ongoing pain of a divorce, and the seasonal expectation of all things joyful and triumphant were conspiring against her, manifesting in some desperation, even despair. In the prior two years, God had not magically broken through her loneliness and depression at Christmas. No star had appeared to guide her to the newborn Christ. No new and glorious morn. Just more aching, more longing.

Jesus waits and longs with you. The Spirit groans with you, in you, for you.

She, like me and so many of you, imagined God as the great Santa who brings lasting peace and joy to those who wait on him. So, I hope you’ll not dismiss it as silly or childish to hear that she thought herself unworthy, maybe even forgotten by the coming King on Christmas morning. 

The congregation breaks out in song:

Joy to the world, the Lord is come
Let earth receive her King
Let every heart prepare Him room
And Heaven and nature sing
And Heaven and nature sing

But she doesn’t much feel like singing. 

In fact, she kind of feels like sleeping. Like crying. Perhaps, like raising an angry fist. 

Might her heart prepare room, even at Christmas, for the One who longs and groans, even with creation, waiting in eager expectation for the once-and-for-all renewal of all things? Might you – her friend, her pastor, her spouse, her coworker – offer space, offer permission, offer hospitality for her even in her groanings? 

I love the liturgical rhythms of the church year, but the purpose is neither to manufacture an emotion or magically relieve our heart’s pain. For some – dare I say for many – Advent longing just keeps on keeping on. Christmas services at the local church may be the least hospitable for one whose Advent ache refuses to let up in time for joy to the world. 

For those of you who find the holiday season particular painful, for the one who finds herself stuck in the bleak midwinter, for you whose Advent longing continues indefinitely, remember that the Spirit groans with you, in you, for you (Rom. 8:26), even while others raise joyful and triumphant voices.