What is Emotional Intelligence?

Would you like to understand why you react the way you do to certain people? Do you wish you could lead better in your job? Are you longing for deeper connection in your marriage? Or maybe with your children? Is it hard for you to pick up on social cues from others?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, understanding more about emotional intelligence could be a game-changer for you. Emotional Intelligence (or EQ) is a type of intelligence that has been called "people smarts". EQ is the ability to really understand, manage and express what's going on inside of you emotionally and to be able to effectively engage and influence others relationally.

While philosophers have written about emotions for centuries, the study of the field of Emotional Intelligence started in 1990 when two psychology professors (John Mayer and Peter Salovey) were having a casual conversation about a foolish decision a politician had made and they wondered: How could someone so smart act so dumb? Their conclusion was simple: Smart-decision making requires more than the intellect as measured by traditional IQ.

For years, a person's IQ (Intelligence Quotient) was the predictor of his or hers success in business and in life. As the EQ field grew (especially with research by Daniel Goleman and his book Emotional Intelligence), researchers discovered that EQ was a greater predictor of success and high performance at work and in life than IQ. Relationship-guru and author John Gottman wrote, "Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings (EQ) will determine our success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.

Emotional Intelligence does not replace traditional IQ, but rather compliments it and partners with it. As Yale researcher and author David Caruso says, "It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head; it is the unique intersection of both." Or simply stated, EQ plus IQ leads to success in the work place, our personal relationships and how we manage ourselves.

There's a false dichotomy that has been set up between reason and emotion. We tend to pit them against each other. The message many of us heard growing up about emotions is that "you can't trust them", or that "emotions are for the weak" or "emotions aren't reliable". To be clear, like anything, emotions can certainly create problems for us - but only when we don't understand them. Emotions, by themselves, are neutral. We don't cognitively decide to have an emotion; they are primal within us and a natural response to something that has happened around us.

Emotions are like nitroglycerin. They can mend hearts or blow up buildings. In one form, nitroglycerin is a small pill that prevents chest pain for people with coronary artery disease. In another form, nitroglycerin is an explosive that we call dynamite.

Learning to recognize what's going inside of us is the first step to growing in EQ. And that’s what we will look at next week.